Perfection is not expected at the keyboard in MYC’s group classes. More important is the ability to play one’s best, listen to the others and play together, and, if we lose our place, to jump back in and carry on. Rather than mastering each piece, we value exposing children to lots of music to play each week, thus giving them a chance to improve their reading skills. At this level, polishing a piece is left for recitals. In later levels of MYC, we will take 2-3 weeks to polish longer pieces.We had a guest lecturer at our last MYC meeting, who spoke on “The Perfectionist Child/Parent/Teacher.” The lecturer, Clayton Scott, admitted that she herself was trying to overcome being a perfectionist. I took a lot of notes. The following concerns the perfectionist child and perfectionist parent.
Here are some of her points:
* The challenge for a perfectionist student is to accept what she has done as the best for that point in time. Unlike art, a music performance will never be the same.
* Perfectionists don’t like to say “this was well done”. They need to learn to say this, adding “…as possible”.
* Without learning to appreciate the beauty in her music, it is quite possible that a perfectionist will just stop playing.
* Quote from Joseph Gingold, violinist, “If I hear one phrase of music that touches my heart, it’s worth the whole performance.”
* Say your mantra, “I love this music: I want the audience to love it as much as I do.”
* Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way: “Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It causes you to get stuck in the details rather than seeing the whole.”
* Realize that spending too much time on getting things perfect stems your creative flow.
*Advice for perfectionists: “Be brave enough to live creatively. What you’ll discover is yourself. You can only get there by hard work and risk. You can’t take the bus.” (Quote from Alan Alda.)
How to cope with a perfectionist:
1. Take time out of a practice session and have your child appreciate what he did right. (Count the right notes – there are more right than wrong.)
2. Focus on the beauty of your child’s playing, not the correctness.
3. If your child is feeling discouraged, ask, “What will happen if this is not perfect (or not perfect today)? (Will the sky fall down?)
4. Leave an open door. Learn to say to your perfectionist child, “I think you have practiced enough! There is always tomorrow.”
5. Have many performance eggs in your basket. (Perform weekly in class, play at home for family and friends, recitals.)
6. Realize that it is studio policy that it is OK to make mistakes (i.e., it is law to make mistakes). “The road to success is always under construction.” Your mistakes will help you grow.
7. Teach your child to forgive herself in advance for whatever happens in a class/recital. (We are all human and we all make mistakes.)
8. Realize/teach your child that sometimes you just have to let go and let things happen.
9. Allow your child to be creative: realize that children will stop trying if they feel they are being clamped down upon too often.
See also The Globe and Mail for a recent article on perfectionism in children.
I would welcome your input or other suggestions for coping with a perfectionist child during practice sessions. What has worked for you?
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